Top 20 Funny Golf Quotes

Top 20 Funny Golf Quotes

If you are a golf enthusiast and you think that you know everything about this game then you are totally wrong. Even I have to admit that I do not know much about this game, although I have always loved it. Funny quotes are can be heard all over the golf course as well as in the clubhouse after the round.

Perhaps one of my favourite quotes I overheard my playing partner saying is: “…it’s up there but I know it shouldn’t be.” Just to clarify, he was talking about his golf ball and not something else.

Another favorite quote from a pro I once played with in a pro-am is “I don’t know why people say that golf is not a pleasure to play. You need to put in so much effort, time and money, what else can you expect?!”

Here’s our top 20 quotes, one for each hole to get you through your next round and a couple for the clubhouse – enjoy and let us know your favourite in the comments section below!

  1. “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it’s called an eraser.” — Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently.
  2. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” — Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote.
  3. “They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.” — Raymond Floyd
  4. “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” — Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links.
  5. “Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.” — Roy ‘Tin Cup’ McAvoy, the greatest that never was.
  6. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” — Dean Martin, need we say more?
  7. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.” — Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf.
  8. “Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five.” — Paul Harvey calling every golfer out.
  9. “It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” — Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled.
  10. “Golf?! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.” — Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesn’t make much sense.
  11. “The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight” – Ben Hogan
  12. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” — Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course.
  13. “The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” — George Deukmejian waxing prophetic.
  14. “I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.” — Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this?
  15. “Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.” — Bruce Crampton making us think more than we’d like to.
  16. “A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole.” — We’ll have whatever Mac O’Grady is smoking.
  17. “You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.” — Lee Trevino at his best.
  18. “If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron.” — again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course.
  19. “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” — Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him.
  20. “If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.” Lee Trevino.

From many famous golf players quotes, it is clear that this game is not about winning but simply having fun, one of the popular wiseguys said, “Do not take yourself too seriously, you have to have a sense of humor” – George Steinbrenner.

It doesn’t matter if you play golf for fun or to win some big tournaments, one thing is for sure, if you want to be a top golfer, you need to learn this sport by heart, a lot of practice is required for you to master the skills of a top golfer. The top players not only know the game but also they know how to manage their emotions while playing a round of golf. They know when they are really happy, they know when they are sad, they know their weak points and strengths, and they use all of this knowledge to play every shot perfectly. So the bottom line is that you have to find your own ways to laugh out there on the course, and remember – enjoy it!